Wednesday, November 10, 2010
So, there is this secret, and no one knows this secret, except for me, apparently. I am not sure how I learned this secret, but I know it must be true. Are you ready? Well, I have learned that both of these men have secret identities, and do you want to know what they really are? Actually, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Benjamin Franklin were sorcerers with the magical powers of influencing thousands of other commoners. Emerson accomplished these goals by writing spells and enchantments in the forms of essays and poems,including all sorts of long and confusing words to distract the reader while they are secretly being hypnotized into believing that Emerson is a good writer. But, in reality, these combinations of words have no real meaning and are sometimes contradicting themselves, but that is the key to a great and almighty sorcerer. When he wrote about finding the soul in solitude, he was actually implying an underlying message from within the text, itself. Luckily, we here at the United Nations Creepy Authors Guild have found a way of reading this hidden message, and we would like to share with you, the humble reader, what this underlying message is, but please understand the graphic nature of this message and the horrible possible outcomes if you are to follow its command: "Go out into nature, and stay there unto you die!" It is truly shocking. Benjamin Franklin, however, was anti-Emerson without even knowing it. His secret message from within the text was simply this, "Keep track of yourself, and simplicity follows." It seems to be apparent that Franklin was much more lax about his control over the masses, but his message is true for even today. Franklin promoted self control and staying within the boundaries of ease, but Emerson was much more about calling the folks to action. Honestly, I wish not as many people had been trapped in the works of Emerson because of the dreadful outcomes they have been known to produce.